Day 06 - Pipe Dreams

Date: May 6, 2002 Location: Glade between Tracks & Hwy 2 Stewiack NS Distance Traveled: 15 km (83 km)

"Pipe Dreams"

My own advice sounds so hollow in my ears, as it reverberates from the past. It was strong and right, but now is only vinegar. How things change, when I know that if I had gotten off my ass was one thing, but now, I'm not allowed to fix my situation. One can say "only you can make your own future" but I can't even do that. Let me say only, I'm not allowed, not in my power, I have not the authority, the flesh and the spirit are willing, but the law is not. This is worse than Life not being fair; Life (and my ex in particular) is malicious.

I realize that I'm still moving slowely. I have not as yet found a buyer for my guitar. My now toonie sized blister (the 2 merged when they popped) is still fresh and it needs to settle before I can stop limping. However; I am able to predict my mood swings a little better. I know that when I suddenly feel homesick (and I have never felt homesick before) I just start humming "with a little help from my friends" and if I get tired and begin to slow down to a crawl, I begin singing a song "walk him along, John carry him along". It has a good marching rythm and forces me back on pace. I'm also glad that I finally got that damned Shakira tune out of my head.

General Taylor gained the day

walk him along, John carry him along

oh, General Taylor gained the day

carry him to his burying ground

 

To me way hey oh Stormy

walk him along, John carry him along

to me way hey old Stormy

Carry him to his burying ground

 

Oh I wish I was old Stormy's son

I'd build him a ship ten thousand tons

I'd load her down with ale and rum

and every shellback should have some

 

Oh we'd dig his grave with a silver spade

and his shroud of the softest silk is made

 

And we'd lower him down on a golden chain

on every link we'll carve his name

 

General Taylor's dead and gone

General Taylor's dead and gone

 I've just finished Rainer Maria Rilke's letters to a young poet. I've only read it once now, but I am sure to have it memorized by the time this is over. He really puts it strait, makes the reader think. Of course he would probably say that he will not make anyone think anything, it's up to the reader to think for himself. But I was moved and maybe moved that much more the second, third and forth time through.

Earlier today, I posted the first 5 days of my journal from the library of East Haunts Rural Secondary School. Thanks go to Mr. Brown for the use of his facilities. I noticed a bunch of kids showed interest in my journey. I really should have stayed a while and talked with them, but as it was, my presence was unexpected and I did not want to push the school's hospitality. But this I would like to say to the Nascar driver to be: I am just like you. I hated school, though I didn't hate learning. I had lots of dreams that were always in-the-works. I'm gonna be a great programmer or a rock star or an actor.These were all great and wornderful but I never acted on them to the extent of my potential.

You need to look deep inside yourself and ask the question, "am I really a driver?" If your heart says yes, then don't look back. Learn everything you can about cars; take auto courses; learn how to take apart and build cars; learn about their aerodynamics, steering, suspension; eat drink and breath cars. Dreaming and talking about them, gets you nothing but sleepless nights and unimpressed listeners. Build your own cart at home and practice your turns in the fields. You must show the Nascar world that you are the best thing that ever happened to a 5 point harness. Never again call yourself stupid. That is only an excuse for laziness.

If you look at me, I know I'm smart and I know I can do anything I apply myself to, but I am also very lazy. Because of my laziness I have suffered. I realize that my life is messed up because of this, I'm putting one foot in front of the other, shouldering my burden and making things right before I'm too old to do anything. If I had stayed lazy, then I would only live a long, bitter life, angry that the world owed me something and wasn't going to pay up. Life's too short for Idle words. Realize your dreams but for your own sake, act on them.